Diary of a zoo keeper errr… uh… stay at home mom.

Last week while at the gym, I met a lovely older gentleman on the elliptical machine next to me.  He offered up some banter on how he had just recently found himself back at the gym after being very inactive for many years.  He asked if I worked out often and I truthfully admitted that I didn’t go near as often as I intended to.  He asked if my work schedule was demanding and thus kept me from keeping my desired gym schedule.  I sort of chuckled to myself and said, “you could say that”.  He asked what I did for a living and when I informed him that I was a stay at home Mom he looked taken aback.  “What does your husband do that he can afford to keep you at home all to himself” he playfully asked me.  “He’s in oil”  I vaguely replied.  “Well, it’s nice you get to spend so much time at home with your kids” he stated.  I hesitated a moment and then said half way convincingly “it is.  I’m very fortunate.”  He smiled sweetly and then said, what many, many, MANY a dumb male before him after have said “Well, if you don’t have to work, you should have plenty of time to go to the gym, see your friends, and get your nails done.”  I briefly glanced down at my mangled, dry, unmanicured nails and tried to imagine the last time I had lunch with a friend and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to smack this sweet old man or break into tears.  Now ladies and gentleman, I’m not often stunned to silence.  In fact, I can almost always find something to say but I had absolutely, positively nothing to say in response to such an ignorant comment.  So I smiled sweetly, nodded politely, and ran like hell to the leg press.  It occurred to me that to someone who has never actually stayed home full time with small children, it might look like quite a luxurious job but to those of us who know the truth, it is nothing short of exhausting.  Rewarding?  Yes.  Fulfilling?  Mostly.  Boring?  Never.  Relaxing?  Hahaha Easy?  HELL NO!  Truth is, most days, I don’t sit down much at all.  Some days I don’t get to shower until the kids are off in dreamland.  But even though I know that I work hard.  Brutally hard all day every day, I felt as though I had to prove it to myself.  So today, I woke up with the idea to log my day.  Every last minute of it and share it here with you.  Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you will just learn to appreciate the tough tough work that motherhood entails.  We may laugh, we may cry, who knows what the day will hold!

6:45 a.m-Woke up, brushed teeth, washed face, strapped on bra

7:00- Walked upstairs to wake P up for school and then returned to my room to make my bed

7:15-  Rounded up all the trash and set it outside on the curb for pickup then came inside and sat at the bar to begin the intro to this blog entry

7:25- Loaded children in the car to drop P off at school

7:35-arrived back home and unloaded children only to realize Sadie had escaped again

7:40- Re-loaded children in the car and perused the neighborhood looking for said rouge Yorkie-Poo.

7:50- Located Sadie.  She ran from me when she saw me get out of the car because she knew she was in trouble.  I bolted down the street after her in my pajamas while my children, still in the running vehicle, giggled loudly

8:00- A demanded Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and some milk.  I took this time to unload the dishwasher and then reload it with the remaining dirty dishes from last night’s dinner.  A hugged my leg and told me she loved me.

8:25-The girls said they were hungry.  I offered to make them scrambled eggs for breakfast but they wanted frozen waffles instead.  Winning!  I served them their breakfast.  T wants “pink bunny” to drink.  I explain why strawberry syrup in her milk is a bad choice given the syrup on her waffles.  She doesn’t necessarily agree but cooperative none the less.  Unfortunately, she’s now implanted the syrupy milk idea in A’s head.  She doesn’t give up the matter without a fight.

8:40- Coffee.  I need Coffee.

8:55-I gaze out the window longingly.  It would be nice to drink my coffee and read outside this morning.  The kids would want to come out too though.  It’s chilly out this morning and the ground is still rather wet from the rain.  My mother would not approve at all.  Visions of pneumonia dance through my head so I decide to drink my coffee on the sofa instead and have a gander at social media.  A thought this was a good time to use me as a jungle gym and climb on top of my head.  I disagreed.  She got mad and threw a fit.  I decided sitting was a bad idea.  It’s time to switch out the laundry anyway.

9:20- I wrapped up towel folding and distributed them amongst all 3 bathrooms.  I can’t find my coffee.  T helped me look and told me she loved me.

9:30- Found my coffee.  It was in the laundry room on top of the dryer.  It’s cold now.  I microwave it.  Now it is too hot to drink so I set it on the counter to cool.

9:40- Crap!  My friend keeps telling me I need to remember to eat 6 small meals a day to boost my metabolism.  I forgot to eat breakfast.  It’s time for my mid-morning snack though.  I grab a greek yogurt from the fridge and sit down on the sofa next to the girls watching Disney Jr.  A demands to have my yogurt.  “You already ate your waffles, this is Mommy’s breakfast” I explain to her.  “But I want it” she demanded.  “You don’t like this kind of yogurt” I tell her.  “Yes, I do!  I like it!  I really like it and I want it!” she exclaimed.  “Fine” I agree defeated and push a spoonful in her mouth.  She looks disgusted and begins to spit it out all over me and back into the container of yogurt.  Good thing I’m almost done.  I toss the remnants in the trash.

10:00- I need to go to the gym but I have several errands to run as well.  So, I’m debating whether or not to take a shower now or do it post errands and workout.  I’ve got yogurt in my hair and really I can’t wear gym shorts without shaving these legs anyway so shower time it is!

10:15- Whhhhhhhhhhy can’t I shower alone or get dressed without an audience man?!?!??!  A stood outside my glass shower doors singing “I see your booooooty, I see your boooooooty” and dancing a little jig.  I lost my cool and yelled at her to please go away and let me shower alone.  “Whhhhhhhhhy?” she whined before throwing herself on the floor crying and then reluctantly leaving me in peace however short lived it may have been.

10:20-I just remembered I never drank my coffee.  It’s cold again.  I pour it out, it’s a lost cause.  T gave me a wonderful hug!

10:30-The girls are asking for a snack.  I slice apples and serve them with pretzels and PB for T and Nutella for A (She’s allergic to PB)

10:40-A was running (even though i’ve repeatedly told her not to) and face planted.  Big surprise.  It’s the end of the world you would think by the way she’s wailing.  I need a drink but it’s too early for booze so I settle for some Advocare Spark.

11:00 Frantically searched for T’s shot record for Kinder registration this afternoon.

11:25- Still haven’t found it.  Need to make some phone calls but it’s time to start thinking about what to feed these wild animals for lunch.  Taylor wants chick-fil-a.  Sounds delicious but I have GOT to make lunch here today.

11:30- Discovered crushed up pretzels in the rug so busted out the dyson.  Figured since I had it out I may as well cover all the downstairs rugs and carpeted areas.

11:50- Had such fun vacuuming the rugs I decided to continue the party with the broom and the swifter on the wood floors {insert sarcastic eye roll}.

12:15-A can’t find her milk.  Someone send a search party.  The kid.can’t.find.her.milk!!!!!!  She’s in full on panic mode which puts me in full on panic mode.  Find the milk.  FIND.THE.MILK!

12:30- New pediatrician’s office says they sent for shot records in January but never received them.  Old Pedi office says they never received the request.  Someone dropped the ball here and for once it wasn’t me!  Hooray!  Meanwhile, i still haven’t fed my children lunch.  Whhhhhhhhhhy did I stop buying bread and try to be all “low carb”?!?!?!  Now I can’t even make the kids a PB&J!  My shoulder devil is seductively whispering “chick-fil-a” in my ear.  Shoulder angel sweetly says “feed them something  home cooked and nutritious”.  Shoulder devil chimes in again “if you take them to chick-fil-a to eat, they can play and you can read for 20 mins.”  Sold!  Sorry shoulder angel, shoulder devil makes a compelling argument!

12:45- Start bath for children.  They have impossibly messy curly hair that must be tamed before public viewing.  I put them in my bathtub so I can put makeup on and do my hair while they splash and play.

12:50- Even though I told A to go potty before I got her in the bath and she insisted she didn’t need to go, about 5 mins into the bath she suddenly needed to go.  I scooped her out and ran her over to her princess potty chair with seconds to spare before we heard that magical reward chime.  Back into the bath to wash the shampoo out of her hair quickly and then up the stairs to get everyone dressed.  T insists on picking out her own outfit.  Greeeeeeeeeaaaaaat!

1:00- T emerges in something not spectacular but semi-cute and surprisingly coordinating so I don’t battle with her.  Meanwhile I’m debating if workout clothing is acceptable for kinder registration or if I should attempt to look “put together”.  I settled on changing out of my nike shorts and into yoga pants.  If I throw a dress on and look too nice, I’ll never venture to the gym today.

1:15- On the way to Chick-fil-a, Dave called to tell me he was bored.  I halfway wanted to smack him through the phone and tell him what a gift it was to have time to be bored today but I refrained.  I do feel sorry for him, I really do.  I know it’s tough and lonely to be away from your family so much.  I was just a little bitter in the moment that’s all.  3 different people complimented me on how cute and well behaved the girls are within minutes of us arriving so that made me feel pretty good.

1:30- The girls ate and ran into the play area excitedly.  I too was excited and dug my iPad out of my purse to read.  Super excited to get lost in my book for a bit.

1:55- I’ve managed to read like 3 pages of my book in the last 25 minutes.  I sat by the door to the play area thus find myself getting up approximately every 3.5 seconds to open the door for a child (often my own) to either enter or exit said play area.  I’m sort of the unofficial protector of tiny fingers at chick-fil-a today.  Reading is clearly a lost cause so I rally up the troops and load them in the car.

2:15- Pulled up to the school.  Sat in the car a few minutes trying to mentally prepare myself for this.  My baby.  My tiny baby girl is registering for Kindergarden!  Bittersweet for sure!  While holding my hand crossing the street, A looked at my hand and said “mama, you need paint yo nails”.  Sure kid, I will mentally file that away under things I need to do in my “spare time”.

3:00- Stood in line for 30 minutes but we still didn’t get to register.  Our electricity is automatically drafted out of our account.  A few months ago, Chase bank suspected fraudulent charges on Dave’s debit card, cancelled it, and re-issued a new one.  This caused lots of problems for our automatic bill pays.  Long story short, the electric company wasn’t able to process the payment like usual so issued a disconnect notice.  I was able to clear the whole sorted mess up and give them the new billing information long before the cut off date but wouldn’t you know the unopened bill I attempted to use for proof of residency happened to be the disconnect notice?!?!?!  “We can’t accept a disconnect notice as proof of residency” the lady told me when she opened the envelope.  “Disconnect notice?”  I questioned confused.  I have never had my utilities disconnected.  I am ridiculously meticulously responsible with bills.  I glanced over and indeed she was right.  Of course the one bill I happened to grab was this!  I wanted to die of embarrassment and immediately started stammering out the story of the debit card.  But too late.  All the people behind and in front of me heard the sorted story.  “We will be here till 6, you can go get a current bill and bring it back up to register her before then” she sort of scoffed at me.  I wanted to crawl into a hole.  Back to the car we go.  It’s time to pick up P anyway.

3:15- P gets in the car and I explain we need to run home and grab a new bill then return to the school with it to register T.  However when I pull into the garage, I glance back and A has fallen asleep.  I’m not waking her to go back to the school I’ll tell ya that right now!!!

3:30- I successfully transfered A from her car seat to the sofa and drew all the blinds so it’s nice and cozy.  I set P up with her homework and T on the computer to play on abcmouse.com.  I’m going to read until this kid wakes up!!!!!

4:15- Dear Lord she’s moving around an awful lot.  She’s restless.  She won’t sleep long.  Nooooooooo!  I’ve only been sitting long enough to read 5 pages!

4:25- The girls want a snack.  They’re also bored and would like to go out front to ride their scooters.

4:45-  Game over.  A is awake. She wants fruit and milk

5:00- Cleaning up and everyone is loading up to head back to the darn school.

5:20- Not so patiently waiting for Kinder registration part 2!  Ready to get this done!

5:51- DONE!  Finally!  It’s raining again and oddly cold.  I have zero motivation to go to the gym.  According to the pedometer on my watch, I’ve exceeded my 10,000 steps per day goal for an active life.  I feel like that entitles me to skip the gym.  No?  I haaaaaaate the gym at this hour.  It’s the most inconvenient time ever to haul 3 kids to a crowded gym.  Kicking myself for not going earlier this morning instead of cleaning floors!

6:00- Just pulled up to the gym.  Just as I suspected it is unbearably packed.  I drag myself upstairs but can’t seem to get into a workout so only halfway through,  I throw in the towel (literally) and head down to get the kids.

6:45- Just got home.  Need to make dinner.  Don’t feel motivated to make dinner.  Feel motivated to sit on sofa and watch anything but Disney Jr.  But alas these children will not feed themselves.  Whipped up some quick spaghetti for the girls with “zoodles” (zucchini noodles) for me.

7:15- Just got invited to have a few drinks with some friends.  Text our sitter, she can come.  Hooray!  Social interaction.  The girls want me to play a card game with them.  I already feel guilty that I’m venturing out tonight and I haven’t even left yet.  I set up the card game and we play but I feel distracted battling with myself on wether or not going out is a good idea.  I’m not leaving until their bedtime anyway I decide and finally let myself have fun with my pretty princesses.  T won the first round but was disappointed to lose the second.  These kids are insanely competitive like their daddy!

8:00- Help the girls have a “fashion show” of princess dresses.  They want to play with my shoes.  I let them.  Trying to find something to wear.  I don’t have any jeans that fit.  There is literally no medium ground between athletic clothing and dresses in my closet!  I get A’s PJs laid out for her and then do my makeup quickly.

8:45- Ashley has arrived to watch the girls.  I try to straighten up the kitchen while we chat and wait for friends to arrive to drop off their girls and pick me up.

9:00- A needs to go potty so I escort her to my bathroom where her princess potty awaits.  She goes “tee tee” in the potty and I tell her to hang tight for a second while I grab some toilet paper to wipe her.  I emerge to see her picking the potty up (full of tee tee mind you) and attempting to carry it into my bedroom.  I frantically grab it from her but it is too late, we are both covered in pee.  I take her princess dress off and call for Ashely to help me clean her up so I can clean myself up.  Friends are here waiting for me so we can leave.  I toss on another dress and some wedges and we head out.

9:20- Sweet relief.  Feels like I haven’t so much as spoken to another adult (besides Dave) in a week!  Feels nice to joke around and talk with someone about anything other than bowl movements, snacks, and school work.

12:20- We’ve found our way back to my house.  I pour the girls a glass of wine and we banter a little bit before they head off.  I crawl into bed and finally I am alone with my book and my thoughts.  I try and read but I can’t stop thinking about the billion things I didn’t get around to doing today.  The post office, home depot, the grocery store.  None of it got done.  There’s always tomorrow.  I get lost in my e-book until around 2 when I fell asleep.  I know it was around 2 because I was holding the iPad above my face reading and when I drifted off to dreamland mid sentence, I dropped the iPad on my face and awoke only to check the time, place the iPad beside me, and roll over.

*Disclaimer.  The day was absolute full disclosure.  I Kept a running log in my phone and kept notes throughout the day.  I was hesitant to even include the whole drinks with friends portion because that does NOT happen often but I wanted to be honest.  It was my only glimpse at sanity yesterday.*

There were a lot of hectic moments in my day.  There was a lot of frustration and rushing and work.  But there was a lot of laughter and happiness as well.  It’s an exhausting job but I wouldn’t want any other job.  I love these sweet girls of mine.  I’m so blessed to be their Mommy even if they often drive me bonkers!  The days are long but the years are short.

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