Dear Diary,
It’s amazing how one little load of laundry can make you feel like you’ve really earned your title as the Dysfunctional Domestic Diva! I’ve done so much laundry in the last 9 years you would think I was a pro at it by now. I used to like to think laundry was one of my domestic strong points. I’ve always been great and on top of my game with getting clothing clean and dry. Sorting, hanging, folding, and putting it away not so much but that’s another diary entry for another day. This morning as I sorted my latest load I learned that maybe I’m not quite a domestic diva in the laundry room after all. Now I have come to share this valuable knowledge with other dysfunctional domestics like myself. Carry on good and faithful sorters, but go and ruin clothing no more!

7 lessons I learned from this mornings laundry load

1. Always check your pockets. Husbands and children are notorious for tossing things in the hamper with full pockets. I’ve been known to find nails, screws, nuts, bolts, hair accessories, lip gloss, magnets, toys, electric razor attachments, and even my husbands brand new iPod in the laundry!

2. It’s probably not a good idea to wash athletic shorts with sequins and fancy lace tops together. EVER!

3. You may think you’re only doing laundry for your husband and 3 daughters but apparently, American Girl Dolls don’t do their own laundry either!

4. When washing cute little Etsy creations with drawstrings or ribbon ties, it’s probably a good idea to remove said ribbons and drawstrings or tie them into a snug little bow so that they do not meet other cute little Etsy creations in the spin cycle to create one giant ball of cute fabric ribbon that will undoubtably take hours to untangle

5. When your 4 year old says she wants to help with laundry, let her but don’t take your eyes off of her for 2.5 seconds or she may toss in an object that has no business in the washing machine like oh I don’t know, a white cap with hot pink sequin apple! Hot pink sequin apples have the potential to not only ruin the item they are on but other items as well. Like her sisters brand new stripey shirt for instance.

6 & 7: This one tiny little pink ruffled shirt taught me 2 very important lessons. First of all, no amounts of oxyclean, peroxide, baking soda, or shout will get fudge pop stains from a light pink ruffled cotton top. Second, and probably more importantly, never, I repeat never send a child to grandmas house in a light pink ruffled cotton top. Grandma gives candy, popsicles, and red punch out like it’d going out of style! Black or brown are the only appropriate colors for Grandmas house!